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My name is Abbie, and I am 21 year old virgin.  It's so hard when all the girls around seem to be doing anything just to get a guy, and I try to keep myself together.  I am saving myself for marriage, hoping that someday some guy will be waiting for me also and it will make the experience that much greater..... so please if you are a virgin, write, take a stand.  I feel like I am the only one sometimes, and I know I am not, so please speak up!  I know I am not a teen, but I wanted to write anyway.

Abbie,  Thank you so much for writing and for the encouragement you have offered to teens and other young folks who are committed to pre-marital abstinence.  You're right, it is not always easy to stand by such a commitment.  But every day, you prove that it is POSSIBLE and WORTH IT!!     Shannon

I am currently a Junior Secondary Education English major in college. I am only 19 years old, and yet I have rampant regrets that I wake up to every single morning. I have been a minister's kid my entire life. I faced having to wear the mask of perfection at church because after all, "minister's kids are perfect." I was relatively a good kid until 8th grade. At this point, I became sick of being perfect. I rebelled. Now, I face the reality that one day I'm going to put on a white wedding dress, face the man of my dreams whom I will spend the rest of my life with, and know deep in my mind that I don't deserve to wear white, that I don't deserve this man who loves me. One day I'm going to look into the eyes of my children and wonder if they'll make the same fatal mistake that I made. I didn't wait. During the time of my rebellion, I didn't think of the consequences. Now, I think about them every day. Sure, I was lucky, for I didn't get pregnant, I didn't get any STD's, I didn't get AIDS, but how easily I could have. I did get a broken heart that can never be mended. I did get daily, hourly regrets that never flee. I did get the disappointment when I tell people I am no longer a virgin. You would think a person makes one dumb mistake and it really isn't a big deal. However, with this mistake, it has affected the rest of my life. I made one stupid mistake one night, now I pay for it every single night.

Thanks for your willingness to share your story.  Please know that there is such a thing as secondary virginity; we have a chance every day to make positive decisions that can affect our futures as well.  Perhaps you can write a love letter to your future spouse that expresses your desire to save yourself for him.  Express to him the lessons you have learned through this time and the ways that you have grown and changed as a result. This process of writing, and especially writing to the person you will one day marry, will help you to sort through some of the difficult emotions that you are experiencing.  Read it again from time to time, and it will encourage and strengthen you in your renewed commitment to abstinence until marriage.  When he does come into your life and you decide to spend your lives together, you can share the love letter with him.  What a gift to give!  Thanks again for sharing your words.      Shannon   

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Abstinence Educators' Network, Inc.,
P.O. Box 531, Mason, Ohio 45040
Phone (513) 398-9801   Fax (513) 398-3624