Can "Love at First Sight" be real?

Though you may be attracted to someone at first sight, the attraction should not be mistaken for love.  That strange feeling in the pit of your stomach indicates chemistry, not commitment.  The chemistry or attraction can grow into love, but it takes time and care.  It involves truly getting to know a person-- their mind, their character, their heart.

What is Infatuation?

Infatuation is the state of being "blindly in love."  When you only base a relationship on the physical attributes of another person or on the immediate chemistry you may share, you don't see them for who they are --good or bad.  Infatuation is a feeling that usually starts fast:  a guy sees a girl, they get that intense first glance happening, and the attraction in communicated mutually.  What a flattering thing when someone of the opposite sex finds you attractive.

This intensity is often mistaken for real love, but it is not.  Feelings are like the weather; they change from day to day, sometimes from hour to hour.  You may not always feel so powerfully for the person who once sent you into a tailspin.

It is important to use your mind, to be in control.  It is easy to get really caught up in the chemistry.  Don't get involved sexually, because what happens emotionally when the "weather" changes?  Breaking up after being sexually involved is very painful.

When feelings are on a high, your next thought may be marriage.  Marriage is serious stuff!  While intensely beautiful, marriage is HARD work under the best of circumstances.  Keep the facts at the forefront of your mind; rely on those facts first, then consider the feelings.

If it's real love, how will I know?

Real love takes time, and it's about a choice of commitment more than it is about feelings.  Real love comes most often after you really know who you are and are comfortable with your values, your dreams, and just being yourself.

Having sex and being physically involved does not indicate real love and it does not show real love when it's outside of a marriage commitment.  Outside those bounds, it produces fear and guilt, along with other potentially life-threatening diseases or an untimely pregnancy.

Learn to be a friend.  Learn to be a good listener.  Be interested in people for who they are, their dreams, their goals, their personalities.  Be the kind of person others respect and trust.

Before you give in to lust, stop and think about how this one moment in time may affect your self, your family, your future spouse, and your future children.  Are they worth the gamble?

ŠAbstinence Educators' Network
Abstinence Educators' Network, Inc., P.O. Box 531, Mason, Ohio 45040
Phone (513) 398-9801   Fax (513) 398-3624